In my spare time, when I’m not blogging, browsing the internet for sales or creepy-stalking my other favorite bloggers, I have a job. It’s running a daycare out of my home.YES, that IS a real job.
I know, don’t tell the parents what a loser I am in real life. The only great thing about this is that I get to make money without having to pay someone else to watch my brats. Well, that and the fact that I get to wear sweats and flip flops to my job.
There are a few downfalls to this gig. The one that bugs me most is the constant microscope my kids are under and not just by parents but by the other kids. Now, I don’t pretend to believe my kids are super great kids. They can be bratty and disobedient just like the next kid. But they are overall decent kids. They might have a few small hang-ups according to the average overachieving mom: burping at the table is an art they are trying to master; they say “fart” rather than other more acceptable terminology for passing gas; and they are confident and independent children that don’t like to take shit from other kids.
Apparently, according to the 8 year-old phenom that was at my house today, my daughter also has a “serious potty mouth.” HUH?! The kid that yells at me for saying Dammit has a potty mouth? Thank God! Maybe she’ll get off my back now! Unfortunately, I had to keep up appearances and feign concern.
“Please, dear child, tell me what she said that was so offensive to your darling ears?”
“The ‘C’ Word.”
Hmmm??? Is there a C word? I mean, there’s that C word, which not even her mother would dream of uttering in the light of day(but at night around a campfire it’s perfectly acceptable!) … What the heck??? Moments pass… the tune from Jeopardy begins to play in my head. And then it hits me! “CRAP?! Are you talking about crap???”
And before I could even think about something reasonable and Good-Mommy-ish to reply I just blurted out “Oh honey, that’s not a swear word in this house. Sorry.”
What the hell kind of daycare provider am I if I’m giving other people’s kids permission to say crap?
But seriously, CRAP?! I mean, I know it’s not the height of intelligence or something Ms. Manners would advise folks to allow their children to spout off, but seriously? In the day of bj’s in the middle school bathroom are we really going to sweat it if a seven year old says Crap in the sanctity of her own home?
I mean, Dammit! I’m really going to have to watch my p’s and q’s around here. It’s a good thing none of them read my brilliant blog.
Now that I look back on it, I wish I’d said something more creative in response. Pretentious people really just piss me off.
Is crap a swear word? I have to tell my kids to stop saying it! Lol.
I have a major problem with pretentious people as well. I tend to fly off the handle, or stick a fork in it, or two peas in a pod but I find that the best way to deal with them is to beat them at their own game. I’m not saying be pretentious; I’m saying, find out what just flips them out and then do that as if it were no big deal (no big deal being the key). When doing this, make sure to have a great logical reason why it is O.K. for you to have done that and politely inform them that they are dumb. It’s fun. Pretentious people are never wrong but are also not logical so logic is their kryptonite. It has also been proven that most pretentious people are actually crab people in disguise.
oh my god jeremiah! this is the best thing i’ve ever heard. i am going to print this and frame it and hang it over my bed.