if your aunt had balls she’d be your uncle

So the other morning I woke up with a catchy little tune in my head.  Not a song tune per say, but a little sing-songy ditty that spent the better part of the day DRIVING ME NUTS.  Worse than the nagging tune was the fact that I knew some of the words but not all of them.  So I decided to google what I knew of it and see what happened.

Dear Google,
Can you please tell me anything you know of that sounds a little something like this?
“If [blank] and [blank] were [blank] and [blank] then [blank].”

And, do you know what?  The GOOG knew what the hell I was talking about!  Bing could not have handled that!

Turns out that “If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts we’d all have a Merry Christmas.”  I don’t know where the hell I heard that.  I mean, who the heck says that?  Probably my gramma.  God that woman was awesome!

The Goog also turned me onto this one: “If your Aunt had balls then she’d be your Uncle.”  Wise (albeit completely non-inclusive*) insight.

But dammit that stuck in my head ALL DAY.  Then at dinner I couldn’t hold it in any longer.  I just blurted it out like a turret’s sufferer all cracked up on caffeinated sugar.  My daughter looked at me like I sprouted another head.  “MOM!  That is INAPPROPRIATE!”  I just giggled.  And then said it again.  And Again.  About 25 times over the course of the rest of the night.  It was like a 12 year-old boy took over my mouth and I just couldn’t stop.

Finally, when we were all sitting around watching TV and winding down for the night, my little man put an end to my adolescent shenanigans.  I just had to say it one last time.  And his response,

“Mom, I’m touching my bawls right now!”

Well, shame on me for opening this can of worms.  Someone should put some fricking soap in my brain!

*sometimes when I go back and read old posts my ignorance shows and I end up with my head in my hands. But I keep most of them up because #growth.

kb 8/22

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