emotional constipation. it’s a real issue, folks.

Today was the day.  I took my babe and left him in the cold cruel world all alone.  What a horrible feeling.

Well… okay.  Maybe I’m being a little over-dramatic here.  What I did, was take my last born child and drop him off with a super sweet little lady who will begin him on his educational adventure.  There, that sounds less “someone call CPS on this bitch” and more “awwww… that’s a sweet mommy.”

Yesterday Jordan and I were running some errands together and he looks at me and says, “Well, Mom.  This is it.  Tomorrow I’ll be at school and we won’t have any more Mommy dates.  You’ll just be doing this alone and I’ll be at school like Elle.”  {Well thanks for breaking my heart kid!}  He must have sensed my sadness because he followed it up with a “But don’t worry, I still have weekends off so we can have Mommy dates then.”  {Well thank god!}

So we dropped the munchkin off at school (complete with photos and the whole boo-hoo breakfast experience) and he didn’t even blink an eye.  He is so damn ready for school it’s weird.  Jimmie went along with me because this is a big deal.  But also because I think we were both expecting me to have a Sally Field in Steel Magnolias moment and weep on the school sidewalk or something.  I ugly cried a solid ten minutes when Elle started school before I could even pull the car out of the parking spot.  That was just the beginning.

Today? I didn’t shed a tear.  I was not going to blubber all over the place in front of everyone.  So every time I got a lump in my throat I thought of random things  (like army ants or cucumbers) to get my mind off of it until I could just make it to the car.  Then I got to the car and remembered I had to go back to the school office.  So I pulled my shit together and did what I had to do.  When we finally started the drive home Jim was like, “You’re freaking me out.  Why are you not freaking out right now?”  I didn’t know.  I don’t know.  Crap.  I waited too long and stuffed it down to much and it’s dead.  I don’t know!

Then we got home and it hit me.  It is freaking quiet around here.  I cried for about a second.  Then nothing.  Then Jim said we should get a patio set for the back patio so we could sit and have coffee together on the quiet mornings he’s home working, and I lost it.  For about three seconds.

I’m emotionally constipated, you guys!  I feel all of it brooding around inside but it just won’t come out.  I need a good cry so I can get over it, but I just can’t.  What the hell?  Maybe I am just a seasoned vet.  I don’t know.

This is the child that has never had a professional photo taken of him.  He’s the epitome of a second born child and I suck.  I can’t even cry that he’s off in the cruel world alone now!

Maybe it’s just that I know how great this is going to be for him.  Maybe that’s it. Shit. I. Don’t. Know!

8 thoughts on “emotional constipation. it’s a real issue, folks.

  1. This brings it all back…except my youngest of 5 is growing faster than the speed of light and it scares me that she’s going to be a senior next year and then gone! My house will be quiet. ( Well, except for my 88 yr old parents and their shuffling around). For the past 2 since high school started I can’t see a graduation card or hear the graduation ceremonial march without sobbing. Once they start school ~ it goes way, way too fast! Hold on tight to your weekend dates….it just goes by way too fast!! As for today ~ just think of how excited he will be to come home and tell you about his day ~ priceless!

  2. As with physical constipation, things will loosen up in time and you’ll be able to let it rip!! (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.) In the meantime, here’s to adjusting to more “YOU” time. And who knows? Maybe if you fill some of that time with some emotional prune juice and dried apricots, well I’ll leave the rest to the imagination…

  3. Just watch Toy Story 3. Seriously, that part at the end where Andy is playing with his toys again with the little girl. If that’s not an emotional laxative, I don’t know what is.

    BTW, it’s totally better in Tagalog with Japanese subtitles.

    • I can.not watch that movie. It not only loosens up with emotions, it sends me into a catatonic state of depression. I can’t even begin to think about that stage of life. And that’s on a good day. Can you imagine what a crazy person I’d be like on a day like today? Well, I guess if things get desperate I will watch it. That’s a damn fine idea.

  4. My little guy started K this year (on Wednesday), and I was surprised at how well we both did. When I hugged him on the playground, he did cling to my neck for a little longer than usual, a bit hesitant, but excited too! I almost cried a few tears, but then remembered that I get to put the toddler down for a nap while he is at school and I did a little happy jig for the future hours of total quiet in this house of 8 people.

  5. I loved it when Elle first started Kinder and I was at home with Jordan- just he and I. I got a lot done but still had my “me” time during nap time. And I had some much needed alone time with my boy. It was my favorite time with Jordan. (Then I had to work full-time and it was cut way too short.) I hope you have an awesome time with your kiddos this year. It’s a pretty fun adventure!

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