I feel so torn about writing so publicly about this process with Jordan and having him evaluated for Sensory Processing Disorder and/or other similar “whatevers.” I don’t want him to look back on this when he’s older and feel like I exposed him. But, I also know my kid, and I know that there’s a 99% chance he won’t mind, and would be happy to help one person, even if that is just mom. So, for now, I write. Until I don’t feel comfortable with how he would feel about it.
I have been reading books and articles and blogs like a crazy person lately. On one hand, I feel like I am empowering myself with knowledge and perspective. On the other, I think I’m just getting some relief from the fact that I may have some answers. Every time I read a new “symptom” that has been a funny little quirk or annoying habit Jordan has exhibited over the past few years that we have passed off as “just Jordan” I go through a range of emotions. I feel intrigued that some simple things may actually be involved in a bigger picture. I know I’ve made light of the fact that I hoped Jordan would be able to “wipe his own butt” by the time he reached college, but those types of situations are actually a common part of this life. I feel like an ass for being so cynical about something that he truly does just struggle with. But, at the same time, I am still just a smart-ass mom that is sick of helping clean up after challenging trips to the toilet. This is just such new territory to me. As much as I want to be sensitive, I know I also still have to help him learn every thing in life that every other person learns, even if it is a little more challenging than it might be for the average babe.
Jim and I are both taken aback by how much new patience and even grace we feel in navigating through life with Jordan lately. We both had a sense of it even before we had a name to put to the struggles that were going on. Now that we are seeing that many of those struggles aren’t just because Jordan is being stubborn or spoiled or purposefully difficult, but are actually a part of a bigger picture, we are both amazingly calmer and more in tune with his needs and how to not only teach him, but find a way to communicate with him in a way that connects the dots for him. If you don’t know anything about SPD, this will probably sound weird to you. And, let’s face it, I am two weeks into knowing anything about it, so I could be so freaking wrong right now it’s ridiculous. Either way, I just know we are feeling a new level of patience, which for us, was mandatory!
Both of our kids are so supported and loved by our family. Saturday was Elle’s birthday and the child spent a solid hour or more on the phone with different relatives calling to wish her a happy birthday- and that didn’t even include the family that we spent the day with. Jim and I kept remarking about how supported our kids are and how they will never lack for love and nurturing. That is such a relief for us as we think of both of them and what hard work growing up in this generation really is.
We have friends who live across the state from us, and have a child with SPD. They were so gracious to offer some of what they have experienced with their child to us. As I was reading through it tonight, as I have been more often than not lately, I was in tears. I swear I could have been reading about many of my days with Jordan as I looked over this information about their experience. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that we have friends and family that are supportive to, not only us, but more importantly, Jordan. It was so encouraging to read through the every day struggles that all parents face, but even more so when you’re experiencing more than just the average bumps in the road. Knowing that parents I have deeply admired as extraordinary are facing some of the same hurdles and even impatient and less than perfect attitudes that I *occasionally* (um-hmmm) do is just so encouraging.
I guess what I’m saying here is, we are moving forward quite comfortably. Every day is full of a new challenge but also more encouragement. I am a happy momma.